A critique group is a delicate balance. If you want to be a writer, then a group that meets regularly can hold you accountable. It’s stating the obvious, but you can’t be a writer if you don’t write! And the common trope is you have to write a million words of crap before you write anything good—so you better get started! The group will also challenge you to write better. An honest group will tell you what they like—and what they don’t like—and why. A great group will also give you tips on how to improve your piece. They should, ideally, be a source of support and encouragement. Hopefully, they will commiserate on your failures and celebrate your victories.

With all that in mind, here’s a few caveats. First off, shop around for a non-hostile group. Some groups are toxic, with a few individuals tearing apart submissions with no encouragement or positive feedback and no encouraging words. They might have suggestions for improvement, but it’s presented in such a caustic way that it inhibits creative thought. You might thrive under those conditions. Most people don’t. Find a group that will build you up—or start your own.

Secondly, don’t join a group that is all mushy and “feel good” either. If you want someone to massage your shoulders, go to a massage therapist. You won’t grow as a writer if you’re not open to some tough (but reasonably presented) feedback. Sometimes that feedback is going to be blunt. You might hear criticisms like: “This isn’t working for me.” Or, “These characters are too immature.” Or, “You totally skipped a crucial plot point!” Try not to be defensive. That sort of feedback will help your writing go from mediocre to excellent.

Third, you need to find your center and be strong in who you are as a writer. I knew a guy who had excellent potential as a writer. Unfortunately, he tried to take all the feedback from all the group members and incorporate it into his story. If you do that, you’ll end up with a station wagon painted in stripes and polka dots. Everyone has an opinion and sometimes t hose opinions conflict. You, as the captain in charge of your journey, have to decide what feedback works for you. Embrace what works and chuck the rest.